I seem to find jerry yanking me back and forth. TODAY I woke up at 1040, yelled hey jerry take your meds, do your bsugar. well from that point until 1 something i continued the chant before it dawned on me HEY SHUT UP. i got up to take a pill, had still a good 8oz or more water in my cup as i walked by him to go to my room, the water found itself coating him. Needless to say he got up then. I simply dressed and left for the day. I came home around 730 and he was up and watching tv. so he mustve done what he needed to , or not. There was nothing written on his papers, just the first bloodsugar level. that was all. so he will have nothing to show the nutritionist, i guess what ticks me is -damn its embarrassing to sit there and have someone think what an idiot when hes not! and worse yet--IM married to it!! 20years !! where is this thinking coming from?? when do i care what others think? HE irks me that all these years i have stayed up around the clock doing research, suffering being soo tired at work, LITERALLY holding my head up with one hand while scouring the most innate websites, JUST in case something was there i could use to help jerry. YEARSSSSS i did this. NOT that i begrude him it, because he COULDNT do for himself . he was too sick to sit here, but that he throws it back in my face, as being worthless and countless, by not picking up the reins and taking care of himself from this point on is a blow and shows me he couldnt give a crap for what i went thru. The years of sitting beside a hospital bed in an upright chair(up to 12 days at a time) (i might have eaten a snack ONCE a day, and if a Friend hadnt brought me meals ONE stay i wouldnt have eaten at all! ), fighting doctors, my legs swelling my back aching (i even had to sleep on the floor at the door once )and still juggling bills and missing work making all of it harder he just cant seem to give it any value by using it to better himself, just ticks me off.. guess im whining. woe is me.. all my sacrificing for what?? more grief? i guess im brooding and being selfish, that i would actually expect him to take care of himself. sheez. maybe i need my head checked !!